Today at 4:45 am our lives changed forever.

My period was six days late. Over the past few days, I had had breast tenderness and mild spotting. My basal body temperature was staying elevated and above the baseline. Bryce and I have been allowing ourselves to dream about the possibilities.

My husband, Bryce (39), and I (37) have been together for 12 years this June. We stopped preventing getting pregnant shortly after we met. We’ve been seriously trying to conceive for 10 years.

Six IUI’s, many timed intercourse plus medications, and three rounds of IVF later…..

WE GOT OUR POSITIVE TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!

I turned on the shower at 4:45 am to get ready for work. Bryce wanted me to take a pregnancy test before my appointment tomorrow with a new chiropractor. I peed in a cup, dipped the stick, and started preparing my clothes for work. I told myself the test would be negative just like the hundreds of other tests I’ve taken in the past.

I was stark naked and picked up the test. PREGNANT. I screamed probably the loudest scream in my life. Bryce RAN into the bathroom butt naked, saw the test, and started hugging and kissing me. I was crying and couldn’t wrap my head around that word I’d waited over a decade to see and believe.

We were on cloud nine until Tuesday. The fear started to set in at that time.

What if I miscarry?

What if my progesterone is too low to help the baby settle in?

I never make it past 4 weeks, have I healed enough to allow me to carry full term?

Tuesday I went to a new doctor’s appointment that I had scheduled almost three months ago. I saw the owner of the practice who is a functional medicine doctor. This practice works as a team to find the root cause of any underlying health issues. After my 2.5-hour appointment with Dr. Roselle, I was directed to the fertility specialist for acupuncture treatment to help prevent a miscarriage. I was sent home with Omega 3 and told to not stress and just relax…..

Wednesday around 9 am my nightmare began.

I was at work and had felt the tugging and pulling on my uterus. That’s one of the top pregnancy symptoms so I was enjoying it. However, when I went to the bathroom there was blood. I knew deep down something was wrong. I contacted Bryce and my new doctor immediately. Both said it could be from the acupuncture treatment causing increased blood flow and the baby could still be implanting.

Something told me that wasn’t true.

As the day progressed the bleeding got worse. The tears started then never stopped. I had ten patients that day and if it wasn’t for the hugs and praying from my coworker, I would not have made it through the day.

At 8 pm Wednesday night I lost our baby. I was 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

For the first time in over four years, I put myself first and called off work for the next day. I didn’t sleep that night. The bleeding was severe and all I could do was blame myself. All of the questions started flowing through my brain.

Why can’t I get past 4 weeks?

What did I do wrong?

What do I need to change going forward?

Bryce deserves better, will he blame me?

It took until mid-morning the next day to calm down.

I then tried to look at the positive side. My body got pregnant naturally!!!!

This was all me. No pills. No doctors. No treatment. Just me. No alcohol. Strict carnivore diet. This led to healing and my body conceiving naturally.

What a blessing!

Where to go from here……Saturday, under the guidance of my functional medicine doctor, I did a hormone spit test for 14 hours. The primary thing we are checking is my cortisol levels. I know stress is a huge issue for me so I’m expecting them to be sky high. I have another acupuncture session today to help me get over the miscarriage, both mentally and physically. A full bloodwork panel will be completed this week to give us a deeper understanding of what’s going on with my hormones and body in general.

I’m holding onto the positivity that my body is healing and I’m on the right path. I’m taking this pregnancy, though short-lived, as a big God wink that I’m doing what I’m supposed to.

Now to figure out the other pieces to the puzzle.